


Doubt

by mochaaaa



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Case Fic, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, Lime, M/M, Misunderstandings, No Smut, Post-Season/Series 11, What Was I Thinking?, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, bc we're doing that again apparently, be free my child, i'm releasing this into the wild now, sorry for that, the warning is just in case idk, this can take place any time past s11, you'll see why - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 12:32:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17345285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochaaaa/pseuds/mochaaaa
Summary: Dean and Cas had sex. But, Cas worries that Dean will reject him, and flees. He finds a hunt, and decides to take it. Dean searches for Cas. In the meantime, he does a hunt as well... What could happen?"Cas was struck with the thought that he had been pushing away since Dean's mouth first met his-that Dean was going to freak out, and change his mind. Or, realize that this was not what he wanted. That Cas was not what he wanted.And if that was going to happen, Castiel wanted to save Dean (and himself) that pain. "





	Doubt

When Cas woke up, it was half past two. He hadn't needed to sleep, of course- he was still an angel. However, he thought it best to put his mind at rest after… after he and Dean…

Well.

After they had sex.

Because that _is_ what they did.

Wow.

Castiel sat up a bit, and pressed his hands to his head. He stopped his movements when he heard the rustling next to him. Dean-good Lord, still naked, which made Cas realize he was as well-turned over, to face away from him. If Cas shifted up more, he could see Dean's face. He looked more tranquil than Castiel had seen him in a long time.

The bunker was quiet- silent, in fact.

Cas was struck with the thought that he had been pushing away since Dean's mouth first met his-that Dean was going to freak out, and change his mind. Or, realize that this was not what he wanted. That Cas was not what he wanted.

And if that was going to happen, Castiel wanted to save Dean (and himself) that pain.

Dean always pushed Cas away after making himself vulnerable. It made Dean afraid. This, Cas understood, and was used to.  
And yes, they'd fooled around before, but that was always under the influence. And they'd never gone this far.  
Castiel was certain that once Dean woke up, he'd realize that they made a grave mistake, one that they couldn't turn back from. Nothing would be the same, there was no way.

So he had to leave.

Cas carefully maneuvered himself out of Dean's bed. He dressed himself, but stopped to look at the picture of Dean and his mother on the bedside table.  
Cas figured that Dean's father must've taken the photo. He wondered about the man who raised the Winchester boys often. He imagined he'd be angry with John Winchester for abandoning them as he did, if they met. Still, he smiled at the memory captured in the picture.

He was broken out of his thoughts when Dean moved again, now facing him, arm stretched out. His eyebrows moved in a twinge of concern, and the corners of his mouth went down. Still, he slept. Castiel felt a pang of guilt rush through him. It's not that he wanted to leave Dean like this. He never wanted to leave Dean's side. He loved Dean, more than he's ever loved anything in all of Creation. And that was the reason he was leaving.

Castiel moved to the door, and opened it, silently. He turned around, and took one last glance at the man who had taught him what it meant to be human. What it meant to love someone.

"Goodbye, Dean." He whispered imperceptibly, almost not at all. And he left.

 

Castiel walked almost 15 miles west from the bunker to civilization, having arrived a bit after the sun came up. Sam would probably be getting up for his morning run, but he wouldn't notice Cas' absence yet. He asked the tired high school student working at the gas station for their exact location. Apparently this was the exact center of the county. Cas knew he'd have to get farther than this, of course. That is, if the Winchesters were going to search for him. He turned his phone off, so he couldn't be tracked. Better safe than sorry. He asked the boy for a map, and received a perplexed look.

"Um, yeah, I can look, I guess."

The boy managed to find 2 maps, out of a box of things that likely hadn't been opened since the 1980s.

"This one gives you the state, and this one looks like the entire country."

Cas tried to pay the kid, but he wouldn't take any money for the maps. He had no idea how much they would cost anyway.

Besides from an idea of where he was, Castiel needed a car. He'd always had to use his Grace, considering he didn't know how to hot-wire a car. The problem was he didn't know if he even had enough Grace left.

It took him about 45 minutes to find an abandoned car. It was a Ford- a rusty mid 90s beater. Inconspicuous. He accessed his receding Grace, and used as much as he could to unlock the door. By some miracle, he managed to start the car, after three "come on"s and the engine turning over quite a few times. Now, he looked at the map of the United States. Where would the Winchesters think he would go? He was in the center of the country, so anywhere was fair game. He figured that they would think he went as far as possible.

So he decided on Illinois.

It was almost a 9 hour drive. He passed through Missouri with no problems, only stopping for gas. When he did, he used the money that was in his pocket instead of the credit card that Dean gave him.

In one Gas N' Sip, a pretty brunette gave him a smile, eyes predatory. He could almost hear Dean say "dude, she'd eat you alive". Cas simply smiled back at the girl, but he quickly left. He couldn't bear to meet the girl's eyes for too long-they were too green.

It was when he crossed the state line into Illinois that he bought a newspaper.

5 people had gone missing in the past month in Bushnell, which was a pretty average size town. 2 had been found in the local forest. With, of course, their hearts removed. Predictably, the police were claiming bear attacks. Cas knew that this surely was a werewolf, but he wasn't sure about how many there would be. He was still a bit unfamiliar with some of the finer details of hunting. He decided he could finally find a way to be useful.

 

Dean woke up at roughly 9:15 that morning. He stretched his limbs comfortably. He winced a bit at the pop his back let out. He mentally still viewed himself as a 24 year old, not really wanting to accept that he's getting older. Dean blearily opened his eyes, and turned on the light next to his bed. He stopped, noticing the emptiness of the bed. He replayed everything that happened the night before in his mind.

"Cas?"

He began to get out of bed, almost forgetting to put on some clothes. Dean wandered into the hallway, and again:

"Cas? Where y'at, man?"

Sam appeared, confusion and concern clouding his face.

"Wasn't he with you, dude?"

The answer must've been plain from Dean's face, because Sam threw up his arms.

"I think… I think he left, Dean."

Oh, no. No no no no no. What the fuck? Why would he leave?

"Aw, shit," Dean muttered. He put his head in his hands. This couldn't be real. Why'd he pick now, out of any time, to leave? Right after they'd fucked. Well, after Cas fucked him, which just made the situation worse. Dean never really took Cas for a love 'em and leave 'em type, but come on.

Sam glared at him. "What the hell did you do?"

Dean looked up. "I don't-I don't know! I thought…" He trailed off.

He thought they finally made it. He thought they could finally be together. He thought they could finally be happy.

"Well, then, we'll have to find him so you can tell him yourself."

"Yeah, we will," Dean murmured.

 

They split up at the nearest road to the bunker, after Dean determined that Cas had to have gone on foot-none of the cars were gone out of the garage. They'd headed out by 9:35, as Dean insisted. Sam went east, and Dean west.

Dean stopped at the first gas station he came across. There was a scrawny teenage boy and a balding guy who was probably his dad. Dean flashed his badge.

"Morning, fellas. Agent Barrett. I'm looking for a guy, probably a bit shorter than me, brown hair, blue eyes. Trenchcoat, suit with a blue tie. Any of this soundin' familiar?"

The older guy just gave him a look.

"Sorry, can't help you, agent." And he went back to work on the other side of the store. The kid, though, went pale.

"Uh, I think he mighta passed through. Real early this morning."

"Really? Did he say where he was going?"

"No, but he asked for a map, and nobody has ever asked for a map. Not since I've worked here, at least. I gave him the only ones we had- one of Kansas, and one of America, I think."

Dean closed his eyes and sighed. That could mean he's anywhere.

"Alright. Thanks, kid."

As soon as he got into Baby, he called Sam.

"Cas was here. A kid working at a gas station said he'd asked for a map."

Sam processed this for a beat. "Why would he need a map?"

"Well, his phone is off, so his GPS is, too. He doesn't want to be found, but still needs to navigate, right?"

"Yeah. Wow, you're good."

"I need to find him, Sam," Dean sighed sadly.

Sam didn't really realize it before, but he could see now how much his brother loved Castiel. He wasn't dumb, he could tell there was something between them that was different from between him and Cas, but… damn.

"And we will, Dean. But it may take a while if he really doesn't want us to find him. He could be anywhere in the country."

"Well, let's think. He had to have left somewhere between 1 and 5 last night. How far could he have gotten, assuming he got a car?"

"How do you know he got a car?"

"It's not like he's gonna walk across the country, like Forrest Gump."

"Forrest Gump ran across the country," Sam corrected him.

"Shut up, smartass. I'll investigate the town some more and then we can meet back up at the bunker."

"Okay, see you soon." Sam hung up.

 

By the 3rd day, they had found jackshit. Dean was practically scaling the walls with nerves. This was not good at all.

21 phone calls, and nearly 200 texts. That is what Dean had been sending, even after he filled Cas' voicemail box. They had been a bit embarrassing, with his voice breaking as he begged Cas "Please, just let me know you're okay." The last few messages ended with some silence, as he got cut off at "I-". He still couldn't bring himself to say it. God, he felt like such a coward. Well, it wasn't likely that Cas would hear them anyway, wherever he was.

Sam popped his head into the war room.

"Hey, uh… I know Cas is still MIA, but if you want to take your mind off it, I found a case. I'll send it to you. Lemme know."

He left, awkwardly.

Dean read through the article. It was from Illinois.  
"2 dead, 3 missing in series of bizarre serial killings in Bushnell" it was titled. Hmm, definitely sounded interesting.  
Of course, he knew it was their type of thing once he saw that the two dead people had their hearts ripped out. Awesome. Probably just werewolves, but he still guessed he should handle it.

Well, he'd be more likely to find a lead on Cas if he went than if he just sat there, he figured.

He grabbed his coat, and keys.  
Dean also wrote a note for Sam-

"I'm taking the case.  
Don't wait up for me."

He got in the Impala and headed east, for Illinois.

 

Cas arrived in the town about 11 the next morning, as he decided to stop for the night- and gear up. He kept a silver knife and his angel blade on him, as well as the FBI badge he always had in his jacket.

He had been trying hard not to think about Dean on this hunt. He kept himself busy by reading up on the case, so it was generally working.

The victims had all been related to at least one other victim. That seemed strange, but plausible for werewolves, he supposed.  
Cas stopped at the hospital to see the bodies, and speak with the coroner.

He expected the hearts to be gone, but he didn't expect the rest of each body to be so…mangled. The coroner wasn't much help, concurring that bear attacks were the only plausible explanation, as the injuries seemed animalistic. He told her that he'd return the next morning to check up.

There had been no witnesses, and none of the family members had been helpful, either. None of them had any contact with the missing victims, or reported anything strange before their disappearances.

The only pattern was that those who were still missing went missing before their dead relatives were murdered. Were these werewolves that were killing their own families? That made no sense to Cas. He stopped by his motel room, it then being about 6 PM.  
He took a shower, simply for the stress relief, and to collect his ideas.  
Well, he thought, what would Dean do?  
The figurative light bulb went off in his head.

There was one missing victim hadn't gone after a family member yet. And, the other two could strike again.  
Which meant he could easily stop the werewolves by waiting.

The last missing victim had been a man in his late thirties, Tyrone Hallward. He had 2 children, and a wife, Doria. If he was going to go for any of them, it'd probably be his wife.

Cas drove over to the Hallward residence. Of course, he couldn't just tell Mrs. Hallward that her husband was a werewolf and was going to kill her. Instead, he sat in his car, and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited.

Eventually, it got to be 3 AM. Absolutely nothing was happening. Cas sighed, and started to turn his car on to leave. Just at that moment was when a movement caught his eye. He whipped his head to the side, just barely able to make out the figure using his heightened, angelic senses.

Not tearing his gaze from the monster, he quietly climbed out of the car, and stalked after it toward the backyard of the house. The tension built in his gut ominously, and he could hear his own heart racing in the silence.

He finally caught up to the creature. Soundlessly, he raised the silver knife, as the werewolf searched for a way to get into the house. Cas brought down the knife, stabbing it in the throat and then the back- through to where the heart was- in quick succession.

The werewolf fell to the ground after letting out a small crackling noise.

Cas turned it over, and saw that it already went back to it's human state. That was rather quick. No matter. He had to find the other ones, still.

Little did Castiel know, in the few moments he looked away from the monster, it rose back up. He only noticed when it was too late- it came at him, and he didn't act out of shock.  
"How-?"

But he didn't finish; the creature knocked him unconscious.

 

Dean made it into Bushnell after what seemed like way-too-fucking-long of a drive, if he did say so himself. All along the way he asked about Cas, but he received rather vague and unhelpful answers. Of course, he couldn't believe his luck that he was even on the trail. About halfway through Missouri, he realized that it was possible that Cas could have been headed for the exact same case, but that was probably just wishful thinking.

He checked into the local motel. By the time he got settled, it was roughly 3:40 AM. Dean showered, ate the burger he'd picked up at the drive-thru, and brushed his teeth. He decided he might as well try praying to Cas again, as he'd done the past two nights.  
"Cas, I dunno if you got your ears on, but I guess it's worth a shot, huh? I really don't know where you're at, man, or if you're safe, or… And it's killin' me. I need to know that you're okay, and that no monster has ya or something. If you get your dumb ass killed, I-"

Dean's voice cracked as he held back tears.

"I couldn't live with myself, Cas."

He sat in the silence for a couple minutes, almost hoping to somehow, some way, get a response.

He did not get one.

Dean sighed thickly. He pulled a small bottle of whiskey out of his duffel, and drank a fifth.

Now with the edge taken off, he took a shower, and brushed his teeth.

As he fell asleep, he figured he'd have nightmares about that ugly green 1996 Ford Taurus he saw parked in front of a house, about half a block from the motel.

In the morning, Dean visited the hospital. The bodies were pretty nasty, so he talked to the coroner to see what she had to say about it. He flashed her his badge.

"FBI? Um, why did they send two of you?"

Dean's mind went blank. Was that…

"What did he look like, ma'am?"

"Oh, he was pretty tall. Dark hair, blue eyes. Quite attractive," she said, with a bemused expression.  
"Definitely the strong, silent type. Agent Clarkson."

Dean just barely prevented himself from rolling his eyes at Cas' alias. He had said before that he quite respected Kelly Clarkson and her strength as an independent woman.

"Did he say anything else?"

"Not really, no. You guys together?"

He ignored the unintended double meaning.

"Yeah, he's my, uh, partner. He just got here earlier than I thought he would. Thanks for your time."

He gave her his number.

"If anything or anyone else comes up, call me."

Dean immediately went back to the motel to ask who else was staying in the building. It was the only motel in town, Cas had to have stayed there.

Before he got there, he got a call back from the hospital.

"Actually, your partner said yesterday that he'd be back this morning, at 8. And, well, he never showed up. Sorry that I forgot, I wrote it down-"

"No, no. It's fine. Thank you." He hung up.

Oh fucking God, no. Where was Cas?

He found out what room Cas was staying in, and broke in.  
Cas had put it together, and circled that Mrs. Hallward had to be next.

Dean jumped into the Impala and drove over to the Hallward family's house. Looking at the house, there seemed to be no signs of struggle at all in the front. He went around to the back, however, and saw the blood stained ground. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

He drew his gun, and followed the path into the forest behind the house.

"Cas!"

 

Castiel woke up, dazily. It was daytime, and  
he was being held down.

Cas looked up, being faced with three people.  
No, those were monsters, he realized.

One smiled. Once he saw the teeth he knew-  
"Nachzehrer."  
It smiled wider.

He hadn't been present for the case, but helped Dean figure it out. Dean had affectionately labeled them 'were-pires'. Cas originally thought they were Whispers, but figured out that they were nachzehrers- German, and similar to both vampires and ghouls.  
So, Dean then called them 'ghoul-pires'. Cas never cared for that name.

"You figured us out. Pretty smart. But, we already figured you out. We couldn't kill you the normal way, so we knew you had to be something special. Once we found that angel blade on you…"

It laughed.

"You're the Winchesters' boy toy Angel. So, we're not gonna kill you. I mean, why kill you when we can get at least one of them, right? They'll walk right into it, if we have you."

Cas almost laughed, at that.

"The Winchesters aren't coming for me, so you might as well kill me."

The smirk fell off of the nachzehrer's face for a brief moment, before it recollected.

"They have to. At the very least, Dean ought to show up, considering you two are joined at the… y'know. Everything." The monster gestured at Cas' body.

Cas rolled his eyes.

Right as the nachzehrer began monologuing about how excited he was to live in a world without the Winchesters, something caught Cas' eye.

Dean.

Dean actually came for him.

Cas almost started to say something, Dean's name, but stopped.

They weren't out of the woods yet.

Instead, he makes eye contact with Dean and, feeling ridiculous-

"Ghoul-pire."

The monster turned to stare at Cas.

"Excuse me?"

Dean's face twisted in confusion, and then realization.

"That's what you all really are," Cas continued.  
"Just off brand vampires who don't even realize they're dead, so they need a copper coin in their mouth and their head cut off. It's quite sad, really," Cas smirked as Dean dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a few pennies.  
Dean nodded, and began to approach the talkative ghoul-pire, who had to be the alpha.

"You say th-"

It was cut off by a penny being shoved into it's mouth, and it's head being, well, cut off.

The other two jumped off of him, so Cas stood up and started to grab his angel blade.

However, there was no need- with the alpha being dead, the remaining two returned to normal.

Dean ran over to Cas like his life depended on it.

"Cas, I'm s-"

Cas cut Dean off, as he pressed their lips together, trying to communicate every feeling he had at the same time. Dean reciprocated each feeling just as much as he kissed back. Cas' hands went to Dean's hips, as Dean's hands went to Cas' arms.

Once they broke apart, they pressed their foreheads together.

"I love you, so fucking much," Dean panted, breathlessly.  
"Don't ever doubt that."  
"I love you too. I'm sorry. I just thought you wouldn't have me."  
"Don't ever think that again."  
"I promise I won't."  
They stayed like this for a bit, catching their breathes.

"I guess that means we're good, Cas?" Dean grinned.  
"We're good," Cas smiled back.

"We're good."

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Not that anyone cares, but 'Hallward' and 'Doria' are from Oscar Wilde's Picture of Dorian Gray, bc that novel has Big Gay  
> 2\. It's about 3700 words, but this is the LONGEST fic I've ever written. By a fucking lot. Go on, check. There's like 10 hours put into this thing. I am exhausted but proud of myself.  
> 3\. If you notice any typos, errors, etc PLEASE point them out! I typed this at a furious pace on my phone.  
> 4\. If you weren't sure, this takes place post s11 because we learn about the nachzehrer in 11.04, 'Baby'.  
> 5\. This is probably going to get edited a lot when I have the time in the next few days lol  
> 6\. Thank you so so so so much for reading this. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.


End file.
